Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
