Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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