Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
