i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
