i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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