Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
