After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
