Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
