she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
