OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
