Got a toothbrush?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I want her autograph on my taint
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
