you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
