So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
