I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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