So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
