You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
