My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
