I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
