i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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