I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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