guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
