Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
