hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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