what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
