There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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