Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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