Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
