Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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