y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
