Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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