apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
