I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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