Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
