You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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