We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Alive.
So much puke
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
