So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There r osticjed everywhere
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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