Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
