DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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