living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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