I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
