Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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