OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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