Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
