dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
