Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
