I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
