No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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