yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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