Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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