Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He better not be in your backpack
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Randomize
