Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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