party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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