Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
