she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sober January is a disaster.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
