He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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